japan

mid august i went to japan, and came back to the united states a little before the dawn of september. japan was the most anticipated trip of my life... i cannot tell you exactly why. i mean there is content there that i identify with, but more so it has been as an undefinable love. something drawing me there always. there has been no place in the world that has consumed as much of my mind! not my birthplace, not here, nowhere else! it's insane!

in my early days, i confused japan as being the birthplace of martial arts haha. it's not, it's india. but i loved the idea of samurais, and that's a japan original. even though what i believed about them was wrong. they were disciplined and honorable, but their function was no different from military men. and the military i do not identify with... being attracted to anime died down in college, though i still appreciate it as an art form. i also liked the originality and beauty of the japanese writing system, but i also learned later that the most beautiful parts were borrowed from China. i've also heard peers come to associate japan with negativity, like their crazy game shows and weird behaviors. however, no matter what, japan stuck with me.

a little after my grandpa's death (and Randy Pausch), i was reminded of my mortality... and was convinced that i had to go NOW rather than later. i wanted something structured, something that ensured that I would be immersed in the culture for some time. but a deep feeling came over me that i couldn't wait another year. i had to GO, if only for just 2 weeks. and so i put all my effort into it for about a month or two before hand. in my thoughts was mostly japan. i put off eating out, hanging with friends, even capoeira to save up. i gave up my apt, which was long overdue, but i was even more driven to do it for that security deposit. that money was necessary for my trip. i kept it mostly a secret. not 'cause i didn't want to tell others. but everything i told others flopped, and i really REALLY wanted this to happen! i guess I doubted myself for some reason. as simple as it all seems now, can you believe that down in my mind, it felt a little like japan is just a figment of my imagination, and that I will never see it in this lifetime. and so everything was shocking! watching myself empty out my account to book that plane ticket: wow! it was amazing. i had materialized this dream somehow. and then anticipating what's next each day was nerve racking. at any moment, I was looking out for obstacles that would impede my plans. {To BE Continued}