back then

when Anthony was talking about the potential of whitespace in painting. i started experimenting in photoshop, free mind and whitespace. the result was "euphoric". i want to play with this style some more. in the large-scale, and also examine, its potential for expression & social commentary.

Bruce Lee made a good point

not word for word, he said that too often, too much emphasis is placed on the exercise, rather than the conditioning needed to undergo that exercise.

it is true. a lot of times there is good advice. and the listener is not optimized to adhere. it is incredibly frustrating for the speaker and the listener, especially when both genuinely acknowledge the great potential of the words, if executed properly.

what keeps the listener with good intent from executing the speaker's actions [or executing the speaker's actions sloppily], when the listener clearly wants to? i believe it is a lack of conditioning. i don't think anything, anything at all, can be done if a person is not conditioned to do it.

therefore, something i just thought about: one who gives advice should not give advice unless they have the means for which a listener can condition him/herself to do the aforementioned actions.

... there is a bliss in being able to do what you want right away. it gives you a short term happiness. things that you really need in life, however, never really happen right away, and one should understand this when giving advice or taking it. and in general, if things mean something deeper to you... then figure out how to condition yourself to be prepared to act and receive in the presence of events.

my biggest problem is living. i do not know how to live. how to balance work and fam, practicality and dreams, death (my own and others), selfishness and selflessness. so currently, i am trying to find the balance between these things. and in my search, i do not know if i would be prepared to accept the answers if i were to find them. that is why i must search and constantly condition myself to be ready.
i do not really know how. i am trying to learn.

something i believe is your conditioning is the routine that replaces routines. if you are conditioned well enough you, you should never have to use your active mind, and at the same time, you should never have to make plans. why? cause proper condition inspires right action. right action that comes from the reflexes. it seems it will lead to an effortless worry-free freedom. a better way to live.

meditation: the best conditioning for life, i think, so far. if i knew how to execute properly. must condition myself for meditation first? aahhh!! or is there another way? formal meditation or keep a meditative lifestyle? perhaps, it shouldn't be taken so seriously. i just want to drink that clear-mindedness everyday before i begin my day.

prayer: a personal prayer. perhaps, it starts with prayer. i dunno. the first step i believe should be simple. is prayer simple? i dunno. perhaps the subject of another blog.

a day: a day is the most important unit of time, i think. one cannot think in a second, a minute is too short, an hour doesn't teach, months and years are great. but there is nothing like a day... i know this seems to go off topic, but perhaps time is a big factor in how you condition yourself. like i mentioned "i just want to drink that clear-mindedness everyday before i begin my day." before i do anything, i want to be mentally prepared for the possibilities. before i eat/brush my teeth. i think that's important. right before i go to sleep too: to prepare for the next day. the rest - let it be. ahh, good point.
[the best time to review our days is at the end of the week.]

curiousity and motivation

it is always interesting when we stumble upon something we cannot categorize. one of three actions is taken: either we get compelled to understand it for ourselves, label it in terms of what we think we know already, or simply deny it. i think. i use a combination of all three in my life. some things i get very curious about, others i can live without. i wonder... if i put all the things i got curious about - past and present, what kind of collage would i create. i'm only talking about the things i was compelled to investigate on my own, not which i was convinced into. i think it would make an interesting project...

on another note...
laziness, why? laziness is very real. and it's one of the most disgusting traits to tolerate within society. most of us do not understand laziness, but we do know this, it is hard as hell to put up with a lazy person. even if that person is you. the problem with laziness is the implication that you have the ability to do something, but you simply don't psychologically. it is frustrating, but to tackle laziness - you have to get to the root of the problem ... which in essence, would fix a lot of your problems as well like diet, honesty, speech, and morals ... etx
-

to my sig other

... to my sig other, what i just want to say is
i go through great lengths to avoid conflicts with you
why shouldn't you do the same?
... and in these recent years, i have observed myself a man
(can't help it really)
and need to be respected by you,
the way a woman respects a man/
and if i cannot have that basically
then we cannot be
i'd rather die a loveless fool
so...
if you love me, let it show
in your own way
and i promise i will notice
though i may not tell you...
i promise i will let them go,
your basic flaws,,,
take off your makeup!
let me witness those bare jaws.
i've known you now so long
and still prefer the bread over the butter
...

the good earth

it is finished, and a good tear runs down my eye.

creativity made simple

everyone is unique and has special skills/abilities. it is easy to see as a child: the things you have skills in are often the things you are naturally inclined to do. it is hard as heck to see as an adult... especially growing up and being trained that you need to perform in one specific manner (what's good for the horse does not work for the manitee); or being trained that what you do is not respectable enough; or being trained that you, personally, are not good or special enough to continue honing your craft.

this is all B.S. and this is the type of brainwash a society built on mass-production feeds a child in his/her formative years.


but i believe creativity never really dies. what makes you creative is the same as what makes you who you are. adults are rarely themselves, it is true. it takes work. you have to peel off the layers of lies that you've been fed as a child, and re-learn yourself from scratch. only after doing this, will your creativity begin to open up and blossom.

you know, it's funny, when i say "it takes work", i really mean "it takes play". but you know what?! play is an adult's work.

a ninja. then a samurai. then a shaolin monk.

i think

of balance, of life as an auto-adjusting machine. of rich, and poor. of spirit and materials. of wet and dry. of force and calm. the ying and yang of the chinese. it's all too familiar for us.
although, there is never really two, as the duality we have come to know so well in western logic. in fact, there is always the infinite.

it is the convergence of our life at certain points that we have come to know ... the probable pattern, the contrast, and then the assumptions (presumptions) based on shared senses. the human mind cannot live in the infinite, that's why we work with two. but certainly this substance, this substance that surrounds us, is infinite.

the scariest, most freagiest movie i've ever seen was

the japanese film, Audition. it freaks me out to this day.

falling off the plqnet

falling off the plqnet for a bit. and the body's a bit weaker. the flesh a little less elastic. it is just like getting older. where all the kids laugh and play. and that's all you see. and you begin to forget your own childhood. and forget your own humanity. sometimes. but it is the little things that remind you. like those little kids that play so freely in the playground. and though nature doesn't appear so much in (your head) anymore, it is fun to see 'the natural' in those tikes. and i've come to the realizaation that with age there is change. and it is easier if you prepare. but it is always more fun when you don't. so with this basic contradiction, one needs a simple plan in life to stay as close to the child. a simple plan that encompasses everything, but always can be enclosed in a simple principle, a simple reminder of sorts. for instance, i have been reminding myself that there should only be "one". and so far, it hasn't been wrong. time can be the only judge of your principle. especially since the basis of life is blindness. we do as much as we can to see the future (us humans), but plain and simple we can't. we do as much to understand the past (us humans), but plain and simple we can't. we humans must learn to accept life as it is. until it's gone.